Looking for Mary Jane Rottencrotch

One of my favourite films is Full Metal Jacket, I especially liked the line in it that bit where the Sargeant says, “Your days of finger banging Mary Jane Rottencrotch behind ….” Genius.  And I believe the phrase Mary Jane Rottencrotch is probably a global thing relating to that girl a young and sexually inexperienced soon to be solider has just before he gets shipped off to basic training to become a real man.

Just to put it into context, get an Action Man and call him Hank, Hank will naturally have no rank because he is just about to leave for war.  Get a Barbie doll and rename her Mary Jane, dress her up really slutty and then take away some clothes.  Take Hank in one and Mary in the other bang them together give them a fake cigarette and Hank will walk off to war.

As a well respected investigative journalist I decided to sell the idea, “Looking for Mary Jane Rottencrotch” and all my superiors came down on me hard saying that she doesn’t exist she is an Urban Myth and I will just waste a lot of time and money.  Two security guards helped me and my belongings out into the streets and forcefully threw me to the concrete sidwalk.  I am no longer well respected and in theory I can still call myself a journalist.  All things being weighed up there is nothing to stop me looking for Mary Jane.

I google the phrase, “Mary Jane Rottencrotch” and google says, “About 25500 results in 0.31 seconds” and number 1 result says, “Urban Dictionary: Mary Jane Rottencrotch, The girl next door.” I look out of my window and the girl living to the right of my house is not what I would describe as a girl she is 76 years old and the thought of finger banging her just makes me so sick.  The house to the left of me does actually have a rather nice twenty something there and I have heard the name Mary batted around.  It couldn’t be this easy, could it?

Well no it isn’t that easy, found out just a few minutes ago that the Mary next door is a drag queen called Quite Contrary Mary.  Pre operative and looking to post but he is already looking as though she would pass until you do actually get up close and he doesn’t shave too often so a good shadow and rouge dont really go together.  On to the next line of enquiry, or am I going to leave it at what I have already done and accept the offer I have just received from a thriller writer to research books for them.

Bored