“Sit!” he nodded to the seat next to him, “get in, and sit
down.” I couldn’t help but notice the anger in his voice, straining the start of his sentence.
“Mr Oneby, just get in the car and sit down before I make you sit down.”
I sat down in the car next to him and the door closed automatically. His anger
subsided and he said, “You have some money that belongs to me, don’t you?”
“I don’t think your information is accurate. I will rephrase, your information is not
accurate.” I said placing some emphasis on the last part of the sentence as he had done to make me sit.
“You took some money off a man this morning.” He said and I
responded, “Yes I did, I will rephrase that, yes we did.” I am not sure if he realised I was prodding fun at his over use of emphasizing his words.
A light metallic knock came from the window next to him and
he looked over to see a gun pointed directly at him. He pushed a button on the arm of his door and
said, “Your bullets are no good, making that gun no good and you are no good.” The window silently moved down and the look
on his face changed as the gun pointed through and painted a little red dot on his forehead.
I said to him, “You have a very expensive car here, bullet
proof glass, side mounted intercom to talk out of the door without even lowering the
window, your doors even close themselves, I would guess you didn’t pay anything
less than,” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a BMW sales book, the
original sales book, “wow you paid two hundred and twenty five thousand pounds
for this car. But there is one problem
with this car; it has a permanent connection to the BMW servers via a SIM card
mounted in a secure holding inside the glove compartment. Do you know what SIM
means? Probably not because if you really wanted to stay secure you wouldn’t
allow a seventeen year old spotty computer geek to hack into the computer this
car comes with. Did you know that he is
in a beaten up Volkswagen in a car park at the beach getting ready to go
surfing, he has mobile internet built into the laptop I brought him, I paid one hundred pounds from a
second hand shop and he is now watching everything we are doing and saying,
because” looking back at the sales book, “you paid twenty four thousand pounds
to have internal and external cameras to be fitted, that is an unnecessary extravagance
especially since we are currently downloading the entire memory of this car
including the hands free phone calls you have made. So what you are now is mine, your business is
mine, your contacts are mine and your money is mine. Oh yes and you are fired.”
There gun put a perfect circle into his forehead, just as well I don't like the BMW and the adverse images it paints in the minds of other road users. The interior leather work needs a good clean and the crack in the bullet proof screen behind him will cost more to repair than I am willing to pay.