A day in the life…

I was asked to write this, a tongue in cheek, Day in the Life of.... for my company's in house magazine.  Every other one I have read prior to mine was far to literal so I had to goose it up a little.

A Senior Developer in Staffordshire Part 1

Woke up, fell out of bed, dreamed about combing my hair, peculated instant coffee into a travel cup, kissed my wife and son, drove the B roads of life to the office.  The difference between working with people and code is you can walk away from a person and that is it, code and problems follow you around and linger ungraciously just out of sight so unfortunately, the drive, in my head, constitutes the start of my working day.

I always have the opinion that when I talk to people who are from the world outside of IT I tend not to lead the conversation into what I do for a living, I think people will find it boring so if asked I say I work at Keele University, no lie, and it leads them to think I am an intelligent academic when in reality that is only a half truth.

After I have managed to find a parking place, fill my travel mug with a fresh coffee and circumnavigated the security in our building.  Being greeted by the equally as smiley faces of the colleagues I work with I send my warm hearted good mornings to my them, bat back a witty comment or two that I receive from certain individuals, you know who you are.  Sitting down at my ergonomically designed desk I think to myself, “I really need to get some gaffer tape to fix the rip in my comfy recliner” and wait for someone to make me a cup of triple strength coffee and when someone does I am very polite and grateful, knowing that they don’t know that I was just about to give up waiting and make it myself.  I do occasionally make a round for everyone, which is a lot more often that certain individuals, Euge know who you are.

It is a very laid back and fast paced office, split in three by blue separating boards that every modern office shouldn’t be without.  At the other end from us sits all the customer facing staff, busily making their phone calls and generally keeping the customers up to date with the latest release, fix or events, apologies if your jobs are more complex than that I just don’t know and besides this is a day in the life of me.  In the middle are two banks of desks that are available to all on comers who work remotely and who occasionally do come into the office.

Of course being part of the technical team means instead of starting the day with a read of the Sun newspaper we obviously start by catching up with Dilbert, but not the one you get on the back of computer weekly we have Android applications help me with this, Daily Dilbert Application top notch.  So I have three words to say now, Code Code Code, or are you one of those people who say that is only one word repeated three times alternatively I say who cares but in reality it is one word repeated twice.

Due to the weather lunch is spent either at my desk or going for a short walk in between showers, however the days are drying up slightly and I will off down the fields communing with nature.  Having the wind blow through your hair and fill the canopy of a power kite dragging you across the grass at 10 – 15 mph is a perfect way to blow cobwebs out to make you ready for a great afternoon of that word repeated two or three times.  Pack up, park up, number 1 back to my desk, have a meeting, prepare, plan discuss and make the code flow into what can only be described as a purely architected genius and that is no joke, if it was I would have finished the sentence with one of those annoying text speak winking eyes ;-).  How annoying.

5.30 comes I pack up make another coffee in my 3 year old Fat Face and on the road again to fight with tractors, Land Rovers, Quad bikes and winding roads.  Ah a developers life for me.

Work in Progress

That morning just like every other dull and dreary weekday morning, i did the mundane routine I needed to, to get myself looking as though I wanted to be sat on a swivel chair by a desk that bore a striking resemblance to the other seventy desks in the same office.

So when there was a knock at the front door I didn't bother answering it until after the third knock. I knew if they seriously wanted to see me they would continue knocking until they got me or realised I wasn't interested in whatever it was they are pedalling.

This time on the fifth knock I answered, unbeknown to me what was just about to happen. My front door opened at my bidding and on the other side was, well nothing actually, whoever had been so patiently knocking for all that time had gone. It must have been just like that moment when you answer the phone and you hear the person on the other end putting the handset down. Except this time there was business card placed under the door knocker, for me to find. However when I open my front door the knocker always bangs and the business card fell to the floor at my feet in amongst yesterdays white, business post and I never noticed it for three whole days.

I don't, as a rule, open the automatically generated marketing material that I always sign up to, until the weekend and it is only opened then to help me light the fire. Marketing rubbish is great, you tick a little box on a form or on a computer to receive the very best and latest details about our miracle baldness cures. I have a full head of unbrushed hair, so i all goes on the fire, free fuel sent directly to my door mat. The wrapping on the door was consistent and long, this time they were guaranteed to be answered because the didn't stop banging on my knocker. I opened the door very quickly and found a short man and a small fold away step stool, his hand still knocking my knocker even though he was struggling with his balance after the knocker was tugged out of his hand. "Alright, alright blimey where's the fire, who has died. Stop banging on my door like that do I look like the sort of person who like to be knocked up on a Sunday morning?"

"Are you Mr S Spooner?" The short man said as I looked down to meet the voice.

"Yes, who are you?" I replied.

"I am Felix Featherstaff from Featherstaff, Bloxston and Bland solicitors and in response to your questions Mr Spooner, your uncle has died, in a fire and it is Saturday afternoon." He said matter of fact.

I stood there shocked for a while, before he said, "Are you OK Mr Spooner?"

I snapped out of my daze and said, "Is it really Saturday afternoon?"

He said,"Did you not hear the rest of what I said sir?"

"Yes, but i am fairly convinced you have the wrong person. You see, I am an only child and after both my parents past away that left me as the last in the family."

I eventually asked the little man for some identification and when i was satisfied i let him in and made him a coffee. When we settled down in my living room he told me a story, "Firstly Mr Spooner you are not the last in your family and your uncle has recently passed away in a fire up at the old manor. You see many years ago your father married a woman who he found out on the wedding night that his new wife was also his first cousin. Only a few days later they signed the papers to formalise an annulment. Your fathers family moved away and so did his cousins family and they never heard from each other again. Where the families had both met for the celebration was at your great uncle's house at the old manor. Your uncle died two months ago and because on examination of his will we found that you and another are his only living relatives but his last wish was unusual, Winner takes all, the loser is an ass. I don't mean to sound off but they were his words as written by him and witnessed by the Parish vicar."

I was summoned up to the manor, which was two hundred miles from here for the official reading of the entire will as apparently there was more to it than someone writing me a cheque for my half.