My Next Idea

“Sit!” he nodded to the seat next to him, “get in, and sit down.” I couldn’t help but notice the anger in his voice, straining the start of his sentence.

“Mr Oneby, just get in the car and sit down before I make you sit down.” I sat down in the car next to him and the door closed automatically. His anger subsided and he said, “You have some money that belongs to me, don’t you?”

“I don’t think your information is accurate.  I will rephrase, your information is not accurate.” I said placing some emphasis on the last part of the sentence as he had done to make me sit.

“You took some money off a man this morning.” He said and I responded, “Yes I did, I will rephrase that, yes we did.” I am not sure if he realised I was prodding fun at his over use of emphasizing his words.

A light metallic knock came from the window next to him and he looked over to see a gun pointed directly at him.  He pushed a button on the arm of his door and said, “Your bullets are no good, making that gun no good and you are no good.”  The window silently moved down and the look on his face changed as the gun pointed through and painted a little red dot on his forehead.

I said to him, “You have a very expensive car here, bullet proof glass, side mounted intercom to talk out of the door without even lowering the window, your doors even close themselves, I would guess you didn’t pay anything less than,” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a BMW sales book, the original sales book, “wow you paid two hundred and twenty five thousand pounds for this car.  But there is one problem with this car; it has a permanent connection to the BMW servers via a SIM card mounted in a secure holding inside the glove compartment. Do you know what SIM means? Probably not because if you really wanted to stay secure you wouldn’t allow a seventeen year old spotty computer geek to hack into the computer this car comes with.  Did you know that he is in a beaten up Volkswagen in a car park at the beach getting ready to go surfing, he has mobile internet built into the laptop I brought him, I paid one hundred pounds from a second hand shop and he is now watching everything we are doing and saying, because” looking back at the sales book, “you paid twenty four thousand pounds to have internal and external cameras to be fitted, that is an unnecessary extravagance especially since we are currently downloading the entire memory of this car including the hands free phone calls you have made.  So what you are now is mine, your business is mine, your contacts are mine and your money is mine.  Oh yes and you are fired.”

There gun put a perfect circle into his forehead, just as well I don't like the BMW and the adverse images it paints in the minds of other road users.  The interior leather work needs a good clean and the crack in the bullet proof screen behind him will cost more to repair than I am willing to pay.